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Writer's pictureBrandt

On Being Married

We often use the phrase "being married" to describe the status of two people, and as a result neglect to think of the experience of being married to another person. The wedding, the ritual of procession, ceremony, and recession, will vary for every person—for me, my bride and I were brought together to become much more joined as individuals, and I have never been happier than I was during those few minutes, at once passing by in a moment and a lifetime.


The wedding is like a marker of a journey that changes your perspective fundamentally even though nothing really changed. When driving, running, biking, for example, sometimes you go through a tunnel or over a bridge and that marks having completed some previous portion of the journey and now beginning the new portion. Even though, really, you kept on at the same speed and course and the road was fundamentally the same.


In rowing, the Key Bridge on the Potomac River always did this to our boats. We would be rowing downstream with a certain rhythm, pace, and intensity until we passed through the bridge. On some occasions, we'd emerge from the archway with cleaner, sharper catches, and the boat would rise from the water and we would go faster with less effort. On others—well, quite the opposite. Rowers' efforts are entirely joined, in ways unlike any other sport, and when these changes occurred after passing through the bridge, whether one or all oarsmen were affected mentally, the whole boat collectively changed.


Walking to the altar, going through the motions of the ceremony in front of everyone you love, and then walking down the aisle was much the same. The ritual forms a bridge over the bride's and groom's journeys through the passage of time. And though they enter the bridge's shadow with their parents at their side, they leave the other side hand-in-hand. Where before they had two journeys, now they are embarking on a shared journey as a union—utra que unum.


And time really stands still up there at the altar! It was one of the happiest moments of our lives—you have so much adrenaline and you're so incredibly nervous with everyone watching and the monumental nature of what you're committing to bearing down on you. But at the same time you're overwhelmed with how beautiful your bride (or groom) is, that she's crying and other people are crying, and that you're so happy. It's a strange mixture of feelings that is impossible to occur anywhere else.


Being married has a truly profound, life-altering effect on the two people joining their lives together. Not only the most euphoric moment of their lives, but a marker in their passage through time that puts them on the same, shared journey—that joins their efforts together as one, to move forward until their final resting place.

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